New Blog!

Hello blog followers (if there are any of you left out there),

I know I have neglected this blog for some time now, but I am entering into a new phase of writing and the Lord has laid some new thoughts on my heart so it is my earnest desire to be obedient to His calling.

In doing so, I have moved my blog to a new server which you can find at www.plansofhope.wordpress.com.

All of the old blog posts were moved over and since transferring I have added a few new ones. I hope you will subscribe to the new one (a little accountability on my end) and keep in touch with all that the Lord is doing.

Please feel free to email me if you have any questions! Thanks for faithfully sticking with my blog and for always offering words of encouragement.

Enjoy!

In Christ alone,
Misty

Hosanna

I have often sung the sweet words of Hosanna, which translates to “please save” or “save us now”. It’s what the crowds shouted as Jesus made His triumphal entry into Jerusalem three days before He would rise from the dead and gain victory over sin (Mark 11:9-10). The Pharisees standing near told Jesus to quiet His disciples. He simply replied “I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out” (Luke 19:40).

“Heal my heart and make it clean/Open up my eyes to the things unseen/Show me how to love like You have loved me/Break my heart for what breaks Yours/Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause/As I walk from earth into eternity/Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest.” Last weekend as I sang these sweet words, something changed, and I was filled with such an overwhelming desire for those who don’t know God to truly know Him.

I often pray for anyone who doesn’t know the awesome wonders of the Living God. That night, however, I felt an ache in my core like never before. My heart can never break as the Lord’s does for those who refuse to surrender to Him, but that night I genuinely felt my heart breaking. By following Him, He has made my heart clean, He has opened my eyes to that which He would have me see, He has burdened my heart for those that don’t know Him, and He has taken my life for His kingdom’s work. As I sang, tears came to my eyes and I felt myself yelling the words out as the people did that day in Jerusalem. GOD SAVE US! I knew what Jesus meant; I had such fervency in me that if I quieted myself, the stones of the building around me would have cried out because they couldn’t deny Him. As believers, we know where our eternity stands, but those that don’t know the Lord have no hope of a tomorrow with God. We should be heavily burdened to seek and share a heavenly future.

I often hear people saying it is hypocritical to come to God with sin in their life. What they often don’t’ see is, come to Him or not, He still sees the sin. Nothing is hidden from Him just because they don’t talk to Him or ignore Him. He loves them the same and still seeks to save them. That night, our Pastor told a story of a property owner selling a piece of land and a building. After being destroyed by the previous tenant, the owner was promising to repair the building, the walls, and the broken windows. The potential buyer told him he didn’t care about the building, he was going to bulldoze it to the ground; he simply wanted the land. That is God’s view of us. He doesn’t care about the cracks, breaks, or chips. He plans to bulldoze the old life to the ground and build something in its place that is new, has a strong foundation and a better internal structure.

This should be the cry of our hearts, that He may come in, see the potential of a new life, and take every step to make it His. We should be on our knees praying for the lost, seeking the unsaved, and asking God to burden us with His burdens, that we may see His kingdom’s cause is done. This is my prayer, won’t it be yours?

God, thank You for saving us, for even wanting to save us and for seeing past the cracks, holes, and damage to see the potential of what could be. Thank You for burdening our hearts for the things that burden Yours. Help us to go into all the world in hopes to seek and save the lost.

M.

Our Deepest Needs

Recently, I was reading about Jacob and his wives Leah and Rachel (Gen. 29:30-30:24). The dynamic of that triad relationship (really a quintet counting Bilhah and Zilpah) was confusing, difficult, and often quarrelsome. While in the middle of a baby war that the two women thought would prove Jacob’s love, Rachel cries out to Jacob saying “Give me children, or else I die!” (Gen. 30:1). I was struck at how often times we look to other people to fulfill our deepest needs when we should be looking to God. We see Rachel’s deepest need (or so she believed) was to have a child. In anguish, she cries out to Jacob to fill this need or she feels she will die. Though Jacob’s response in anger wasn’t the most loving, it was appropriate. Was he God? No. Was he the one that had withheld children from her? No. Could he do anything more than he was already doing to help her bear a child? No. He had no control over her circumstances and yet she blamed him and begged him for an answer that he didn’t have.

So often we look to others in expectation, when we should be looking to God in hope. God has promised He will provide for our every need (Luke 12:22-32), so our faith should be seeking Him to fulfill that promise. When we look to people to fulfill these needs we put heavy demands on them without realizing what it does to that person and to the relationship. We add such an incredible amount of stress and probably don’t realize how frustrating it can be for the other person to watch us wrestle with dissatisfaction.

I know I battle with this. I look to people with the same anticipation that I look to God and usually find myself disappointed. Like the psalmist, the only solution available is for us to “lift our eyes to the hills, from whence comes our help (Ps. 121:1). God is the only one who can lift us up out of the miry clay, set our feet upon the rock of His salvation, and establish our steps (Ps. 40:2). But, the one thing we can rely on other people for, is company for the journey. We can take this trip with those around us who are like minded, those who have the same spirit, the same goals, and the same love of God in their hearts.

We can rely on our brothers and sisters to walk through this life with us, but we should rely on God to walk us through this life.


Lord, thank you that your promises never fail, Your mercies are new every morning, You never leave us, and You have the best in mind for us. Please help me to enjoy this journey with my fellow sojourners and to look to You in the midst of storms.

M.

A Gift Like No Other

Today I turn thirty-two, although I don’t feel thirty-two. I don’t even feel thirty. Although, these days when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the silly young girl that once stared back at me ten years ago. She has been replaced with a woman who stands firm in her beliefs, in her life, and in her faith. There is still a twinkle in the eye and the mouth is still upturned ready to smile without cause. But now there are lines that weren’t there before, a steadfastness that couldn’t be seen, and a hope that has been borne of trials. She is the same but is somehow different. Those that knew her then would never recognize her now and that’s probably the biggest blessing I could ask for.

I don’t put much stock in age; to me it’s the counting of the years of your life. I don’t believe it’s a status symbol or a sign of how mature you are. To me, it’s the number of years I have lived on this earth; it marks the passing of time. What I think matters more is not the number of years spent living, but rather, the manner in which those years have been spent. This past weekend during worship at church, I had the chance to reflect on where I have been—the disaster of a life I came from and where I am now—a life living solely for Jesus. I even took a glimpse of the future—an eternity that Jesus put in my heart on the day He formed it.

As my heart stepped into that special time with Him, I was once again crying out for all of the glory of my life to be to Him alone for He is the one that saved me. I still remember when I first cried out and begged for Him to take my life and let it be all for Him and for His glory, for it to be His life not mine. I knew from that moment that I was made to worship Him. I knew that the reason He gave me breath was to praise His name all of my days. I offered my life that I may continually shout and sing the praises of my King. This weekend as I pondered my life I remembered how lost I had been before He sought me. I was unhappy, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled. I was living for all of the wrong things and couldn’t figure out why nothing ever seemed to fill the void in my life. As those memories came back, I raised my hands and praised God for His faithful and long suffering love that waited for me. I praised God that I am different than I used to be, because He made me different. Christ’s love and sacrifice was able to change this sinner’s path from one of damnation to one of eternity.

I realized that no matter how far I had come I would always need Him, every day, every hour, sometimes, every minute. We all do. There is not a time that we can live without His guidance. The minute we think we can, we are doomed to failure. I cried out to Him to never leave me, because if I took my gaze off of Him, just as Peter did on the sea, I would sink (Matthew 14:29-31). As worship came to an end, I was once again reassured that His amazing grace is such a sweet sound, His amazing love will always flow down. I know that His hands and feet that had been nailed to a tree had allowed His grace to pour down and cover me and my sins.

It was the best birthday present I could have asked for; a sacred moment between the Creator and His creation where He assured me that I had a purpose and it was a big one. Any pains, trials, frustrations, I have felt have had a purpose, to draw me closer to Him. The heartache this life sometimes brings is to assure me that in the midst of those times, I always have arms to run to that are secure and loving because they made me, they know me, and they love me.

So, today I turn thirty-two and I’m great with that. I don’t feel thirty-two, I’m often told I don’t look like I’m thirty-two and I certainly know that I don’t act like I am thirty-two. But what matters to me about this day is that God in His infinite wisdom knit me together fearfully and wonderfully while still in my mother’s womb(Psalm 139:13-14). More important than that is that Christ in His passion and love came to this earth to die for me, because He knew I needed a Savior. The sum of my years doesn’t equal much, but the sum of the desires of my heart to love and follow God equal eternity with Him and that is a gift like no other.

Thank You Lord for special moments where You call my attention towards heaven and towards You. Thank You for making this life that belongs to You, this heart that loves You, and this soul that You call Your own.

M.

Free Indeed

As a believer, forgiveness often seems the hardest thing in our daily walk. I struggle with it continually, but the Lord took me on a journey of forgiveness and revealed that it is one of the easiest things, both asking for it and granting it. Often times, the pride of life stumbles us and we abandon humbleness, which separates us from God (1 John 2:16). Christ came to make us free and in Him we are free indeed (John 8:36), but we must accept it. Sin chains us to a wall like a prisoner, holding us captive, but the work of the cross removes those chains. By His stripes we are healed (Isa. 53:5) and the chains should fall free, but in unforgiveness, it’s as if we grab the chains and hold onto them; in essence holding onto our sin and imprisoning ourselves. 1 John 1:9 tells us that “if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness,” but notice the words “if we confess.” We have to confess them in order to be made clean; and I can speak from experience that it does make us free indeed.

My journey started with me in chains, but I thought it was due to another person’s sin and God revealed that it was mine. My husband made a choice that devastated me and our marriage. He later asked for forgiveness, and I forgave him so we moved on. The problem was things weren’t getting easier, they were getting harder. My heart still hurt, my pride still hurt, and I didn’t know how to get past it. Without any knowledge of my circumstance a friend stopped to see me one day and said that in a marriage the man has to be the leader and in essence “he is the king”. He wasn’t being sarcastic; he meant the Lord establishes the husband as the leader and head of the family. Like we all do, he said, husbands make mistakes and if they do so against their wife, or if the king falls off his throne, the queen is the only one who can restore him. My heart screamed in protest, because I felt like someone needed to restore me. I felt that I was the one wronged so how could I be the one restoring?

For weeks I struggled, I counseled with friends, I prayed, and in the end I was arguing with God because in my mind I objected “But God, what about me! HE needs to restore ME”. It was then that I felt the Lord saying that I was seeking restoration from the wrong person. It wasn’t my husband’s job to restore me, it was God’s. It wasn’t clear to me until another conversation weeks later when I told a friend about my conflict and waited for her to agree with me. She looked at me and said “this might sound trite, but I think your answer is fairly simple, you have to confess your sin to your husband and ask for forgiveness for the entire span of your relationship.” I was stunned, thinking it was impossible, but it was right. Throughout our relationship I had never truly let my husband lead, I had hammered him into decisions I thought were best, I had criticized him for not leading, criticized him when he tried to lead and made him feel like he was inadequate to lead. Though he was responsible for his choices, I had also made some of my own that had not made it easy for him to become the husband that God was trying to make him. All along I thought it was about him and his sin, when it turned out that it was about me and mine.

I prayed for hours for the courage to repent. As I approached my husband with a humble heart and spirit, I spent what seemed like 10 minutes asking forgiveness for anything I could think of that I had done wrong, thoughts, actions, behavior, all came pouring out and it was like a purging of my soul. In the end, I felt freer than I had in years, and without realizing it, somewhere in the middle, I was restored. All along I thought I had to be restored in order to give forgiveness and I came to realize that I had to be forgiven in order to be restored. Forgiveness came easily, my transgressions were removed as far as the east is to the west, and because of that night, my heart is set on forgiveness.

God tells us we must keep short accounts and seek forgiveness before going into His presence in worship. Inasmuch as we must quickly seek forgiveness, we must also quickly grant it, even if it is not asked for. When someone sins against us, the only way to remain free from the burden of hurt, anger, and bitterness is to free the other person from it and restore them, which in turns frees us and restores us to God.

To me, Psalm 139:23-24 is truly the heart of confession. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxieties, and see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” We must ask God to truly search us and see where there is wickedness in our hearts and then ask Him to lead us in His everlasting way, the way that was made by the cross. It’s not about what other people do, it never will be. It’s about us and our relationship with God and what He finds in our hearts when He searches it.

They say that confession is good for the soul, and it is, because it’s the only way to restoration with the King.

M.

The Tools He Uses

Recently, a close friend was going through a difficult trial and many of us were coming alongside her in the journey. As she was in the midst of it, we didn’t understand why she was going through it; often the Lord doesn’t reveal those things. My thoughts were that the trial might not have been about her. While it is a hard place to be, we have to remember that our lives are in the hands of the Master Carpenter and occasionally we are the exact tool that He needs to use in order to move in the life of someone else.

As a new believer I would ask, “why me?” I didn’t understand trials, but as I grew in my faith I realized that after I came through it, often within a short time, I would cross paths with someone in a similar circumstance. I was able to say, “I understand, I have been there.” Those are the most powerful words to be able to tell someone in the midst of an ordeal.

As I continued to grow in my walk with the Lord, I realized that often I needed to step back and understand that there were times the trial had nothing to do with me; I was the tool the Lord chose. I was happy when God was working in my life to move me, but when He was working in another’s life to move them, with me on the chopping block, that was hard. I felt like I got the heartaches but none of the rewards. As my trust deepened, I came to see that though difficult, it was often more of a blessing to be used by God for someone else. It is sacrifice which He says shows no greater love (John 15:13).

Growing up as a contractor’s daughter, my dad had tools. From framing squares to hammers, from nails to saws, I saw all of them as these fantastic things I wanted to touch. But they were tools, not toys, I was reminded. I was not allowed to play with them because they had a purpose. Most of them were tools he had accumulated over the years; a few were passed on from my grandfather and great grandfather. The older ones were weathered and old, the wood faded, the blades dull and rusty. A few of them had scratches and chips; others had gouges deep in the metal. I always knew these were not tools that were for display only; these tools had been used hard and often. They had been used to create something wonderful, whether it was a dollhouse for me or a house to be lived in. They had served their purpose well in the hands of the crafter who knew exactly how to use them.

That’s how it is when we are used by the Lord; at times we take a beating and there are pieces of us gouged out. The marks remain unable to be repaired, unable to be smoothed away. However, once the trial is over the outcome is always something beautiful. We see a life finally surrendered to the Lord, or a heart that had walked away from Him returned to His throne. We witness a relationship mended, a life restored, or a future given hope.

At times we’re sure that the trials are far more than we can bear, but can you visualize Meshach, Shadrach, and Abed-Nego, in the middle of a fiery furnace to get the attention of Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel 3)? Or Job, covered in boils and losing everything to show Satan that he truly was a servant of God (Job 1:22)? Maybe our trials are not as dramatic, but they cut us the same. Our comfort is to know that our lives rest in the hands of a skillful God, who shapes us and molds us as His creation, His masterpiece. Whether the trial is for us or for someone else, we walk away forever changed, closer than before to His image, closer to His heart, and closer to His throne.

Thank You God, for the trials, whether they are about us or not. Thank You for using me in Your master plan, and for taking care of me not only as Your creation, but as one of Your tools. I give my life to the work of Your hands.

M

My Grace Is Sufficient...

Sometimes we find ourselves in prison. Whether an emotional, mental, or even physical cell, they are all the same. At times the prison is of our own doing and sometimes, we are in prison because of the actions or decisions of someone else. Regardless of how we get there, being in prison is one of the most devastating places to be. You feel like a slave to your surroundings and at times there is no hope of liberation. Yesterday in our staff devotions we were blessed to have Pastor Bob Shank visit and teach on the life of Joseph. It is a story that I never tire of hearing. Joseph is an enigma to me, in that, no matter what lot he was handed in life, he took it gratefully, thanked God continually for it, did his best at it, and God was always with him.

Joseph had multiple prisons and sometimes we know how that feels. It’s not just one thing that holds us captive, its multiple things threatening to tear us down and drag us under. Joseph was imprisoned by his dreams that no one else believed, he was imprisoned physically, sold as a slave to Egyptians into Potiphar’s house. He was imprisoned by lies from Potiphar’s wife and then confined to an actual prison cell. I can’t help but think that I would also have felt emotionally incarcerated being hated by all my brothers, being kicked at every turn, and never being able to direct my own path. But Joseph didn’t have that baggage because he knew that though his path was not his own, it was being directed by a God who is faithful and who always remembers His promises to His children.

Sometimes when we are in prison, we can feel like God has forgotten us, like we are there alone in the pit of darkness. But God reminds us that He hasn’t forgotten us, He never would. Heaven reaches down to us and He is there, just as He was in Acts 23:11 with Paul, “But the following night the Lord stood by him and said, “Be of good cheer, Paul…” Nothing can keep us apart from Jesus Christ, as it says in Romans 8:35, 38-39 “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?.......For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Nothing can separate us from Christ’s love and protection or from God’s plan for our life.

Joseph prospered, and repeatedly throughout his story we read “the Lord was with Joseph”. God is always with us and even when we feel like we are perishing and begging God for release, He gently reminds us “Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9). God’s grace washes over us and can sustain us in any season of life. It can raise us from the dark pits of despair and carry us on wings like eagles. It is the rock on which we can stand and not waiver, because truly He is our God who never waivers.

I think Joseph knew this in His heart and that’s why he was able to succeed, even when there seemed no deliverance in sight. Joseph not only bloomed in the desert as his father’s favorite, he bloomed in the depths of a dark prison cell, surrounded by lies and by people who wanted to keep him there. He bloomed because when we truly realize that God’s grace is enough and that we are covered in His love, it’s like the prison door swings wide open and we are free.

Jesus, thank You that even when I feel alone and imprisoned, You are there with me. Your grace is sufficient for me, and Your love is so strong that it can swing wide even the heaviest and threatening prison door, and I am free.

M.

When The Rain Comes...

Lately, it seems like more and more people I know are in a time of struggle. From feeling the sting of death as my sister in law’s father passed away to many friends and family around me struggling through financial hard times; all around things feel bleak, like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The other day I had lunch with my brother and in the midst of all that was going on, I felt sad that life has to be this difficult. I felt hopeless because I had no answers for any of the questions and I had no solutions for any of the problems; I felt powerless.

As I headed back to work the song that came onto was Third Day, “When The Rain Comes”. I sent a text with the lyrics to my brother, “I can’t stop the rain from falling down on you again, I can’t stop the rain but I will hold you ‘till it goes away.” That’s how I have felt with all of those around me going through struggles. I can’t stop the rain from coming down, but I can be there holding your hand until they are gone. I noticed it said, “I can’t stop the rain from falling down on you AGAIN.” Inevitably, the rain will come, again and again, but if we are there for each other bearing one another’s burdens as it says in Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ,” then we find the way to persevere.

Jesus tells us in John 16:33 that trials are a sure thing to come in this world, but that we can have peace knowing that He has overcome the world. We have to know that the rain will always come, but that He always comes with it. Sometimes it feels like we want to run away, another part of the song says “When the rain comes/It seems that everyone has gone away/when the night falls you wonder if you shouldn’t find someplace to run and hide/escape the pain/But hiding is such a lonely thing to do.” We want to run but I have to believe this song is straight from the heart of Jesus. Though the rain will come, He is there holding on to us. He promises us “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29)

Jesus wants us to know that in Him, we will find rest. The song finishes “Rest awhile/ it'll be alright/No one loves you like I do/When the rain comes/I will hold you.” This is the promise of the Good Shepherd who loves us and will never leave us. No one loves us like Jesus and no one will hold us safely in their arms like He does.

Just to reassure me further, the very next song that came on was also by Third Day and started “To you, O Lord, I lift my soul/In you, O God, I place my trust/Do not let me be put to shame/Nor let my enemies triumph over me/My hope is you/Show me your ways/Guide me in Truth/In all my days.” In God our hope lies, “I will lift my eyes to the hills—From whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121: 1-2) I knew in my heart that God was reassuring me that though it seemed like there were no answers or solutions, He really is the answer, the solution.

That night, my brother came over for dinner and we ate, we joked, and we laughed…and it rained the whole time.

Jesus, thank You for bringing the rain and for meeting us where we are when it comes. Thank you for holding us in the midst of the storm, quieting our hearts, and reassuring us that it will pass and that you will stay with us until it does.

M.

An Alarm Clock or A Calling?

“Is it an alarm clock or a calling that gets you out of bed in the morning?” This is an ad from a magazine that Pastor Greg Laurie has quoted in a few of his sermons. It stayed with me the very first time he said it, but never came into full view for me until the last day of our spring semester of Bible study. As I listened to brave ladies give their incredible and sometimes heart breaking testimonies of how the Lord worked in them through His Word, one thought kept repeating itself in my head, “this is why I do what I do every day.”

People often ask me, why do you work at the church? Why did you take a pay cut to work there? Why do you work such long hours during Bible study or for an event? Why are you here when it’s your day off or you are supposed to be on vacation? Why don’t you ever leave “work” at work? The answer is simple, it’s not my job, it’s my calling. Often times I hear people who say they are not sure what they are called to do; they work at jobs that pay the bills, getting up at the same time every day to the alarm clock snapping them out of sleep. Sadly, they find that at the end of the day they are no more fulfilled than when they first began. This is not to say that anyone who doesn’t work in the ministry has a meaningless job. Often people are called to be doctors, trash man, or insurance agents, simply because that is the avenue that God has chosen to use them; they are in the ministry right where they are…they are called.

My calling is a room full of women, worshipping the Lord, hearing the Word taught, and sharing in their lives. In the past I would have nothing to do with women as friends; the many women I met in the world were catty and ruthless. When the Lord called me, I had to stop and ask Him if He was talking to the right gal; me, in the women’s ministry? In my old life that would have been my worst nightmare. Thankfully, the Lord doesn’t call the equipped, He equips those He calls. What He equipped me with was a heart for lost women, for women who feel like they don’t have a place, for women who don’t feel loved, or like they fit into God’s kingdom. Some of them even feel like they can’t possibly fit. That is my calling, for I know that everyone has a place in God’s house. No matter what skills you have, or don’t have for that matter, you still have a niche of your own in the Lord’s arms. My joy is being used by Him to reveal that; it’s nothing in my life or wisdom; it’s all His will, His timing, His calling.

Honestly, some days ministry is the hardest job I have ever had. The spiritual attacks can seem endless and daunting. The tasks at hand can sometimes seem impossible or beyond what we can comprehend. But God tells us that all things work together for good to those who love Him, to those who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). And it is a high calling, as Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:1 “I beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called.” We have to walk worthy of the King that we serve and that is the highest calling there is. I learned early on to lay it all at His feet to begin with, admit that I can never do it without Him, and ask Him to pick it up and show me the way. People often ask me why I seem so calm in the midst of the chaos. I have found that no matter the task, no matter the event, God always shows up as long as I am walking worthy of what He has called me to do. This is the way it is whether you are in full time ministry or pumping gas at the corner station.

Every day I now ask myself, it is my alarm clock or my calling that gets me out of bed? It’s a great heart check and a way to know daily that my life belongs to the Lord. So ask yourself, are you called and if so, have you answered the call?

Lord, thank You for calling me to be Your child even though I was a ruthless sinner myself. Thank You for taking this life and making it something that is worthy to be called Yours.

M.

Two Hands

I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind

I use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

“Two Hands” Jars of Clay

I heard this song on the radio one morning last week and after that it was in my head all day. I realized that this is often the inner turmoil we face as we try and walk with the Lord. At times it can seem like we have two separate people in us, one longing to get closer to the Lord and one trying to push Him away. We want all that He has for us, but when it gets hard we want to quit and say never mind. Some days the story of my life is Romans 7:19 “For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice” There are so many days that I want to do the will of the Lord, and I simply don’t. There are so many days that I don’t want to sin, and I simply do.

When I heard the song, my husband and I were in a disagreement and the lyric kept repeating in my head “If I had two hands doing the same thing”. I realized that not only can there be an inner warring in each of us, but for those of us that are married, there can also be a warring with our spouses. God said that once we were married, we were then one flesh, one person in His eyes (Genesis 2:24). So when we fight or are at odds with our spouse, it is the same idea. We are two hands of the Lord doing different things. In my mind, it would be like trying to play the piano with one hand and crochet with the other. Each on their own would be able to be done, but doing them at the same time is counterproductive. I am sure there is someone out there who has the ability to play piano and crochet, but because you would not be giving either of the tasks individual focus you would not be doing either the best that you possibly could. If we are going one way and our spouse is going another, we will never be doing the perfect will of God. Only when we are working as one, in our hearts, our minds, and our spirits can we fully be doing the will of the Lord.

Mark 3:35 clearly says “and if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.” If we are moving in two different directions we will never make any progress. Christ tells us that we are one body and that all parts are needed and should be working in sync for the same goal (1 Corinthians 12:12-26). When we don’t function as a body either in the body of Christ or even in ourselves, we are bound for doom.

And if we just keep digging,

we can reach the foundation of our souls

And if we just keep cutting all the

chains from our hearts we’ll lose control

If Christ is in us, then He is in our hearts and if we dig deep and remove the chains from our hearts, then He will reign. He takes control, and we simply follow, with two hands lifted high in praise and adoration.

Lord, help me to remember that I am never more in sync with You than when I have two hands lifted up to you. Lifted in praise, lifted waiting to see what You have for me, lifted reaching for You, always reaching for You.

M.

Believing Is Seeing

Two weeks ago my husband surprised me with a lovely trip to Santa Fe, NM for our fourth anniversary. One day, he arranged for us to ride the Southern Santa Fe Railway train to Lamy, NM. Though the sleepy little village is 18 miles from Santa Fe, the train gently chugs along so slowly that the trip is an hour one way. It was perfect timing because though it was April, Santa Fe was in the middle of a snow storm. As we pulled out of the train station, there were big flakes swirling down and sticking to anything they could. Our train car was an enclosed upper deck, so sitting a level above the roof of the train we were able to see everything. Duncan and I snuggled into a cozy seat for two and prepared ourselves for the trip with some hot cocoa and candy bars.

Half way through the trip warmed with cocoa, I was content to sit and gaze at the lovely scenery blanketed in snow. As I looked out the window, where I knew mountains should have been, all I saw were grey snow clouds. It was an unsettling feeling, knowing there were sizable mountains there, but unable to see them because of something as simple as clouds. As I reassured myself the mountains were there even if I couldn’t see them, I realized this is very much our view of God at times. We know in our heart that God is a strong, immovable presence like a mountain, yet there are times that things get in the way, like clouds, or storms in life and the minute we can’t see Him, we get unsettled.

At times, we are content to sit and enjoy the ride not caring that we can’t see Him, knowing no matter what He is there. Other times, we get anxious and uncertain. We find ourselves searching for any glimpse we can get of Him. Hebrews tells us that “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1) Though we cannot see God at all times and many times we cannot see Him working, He is there, and is steadfast at work in our lives and those around us. “The everlasting God, the Lord, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary.” (Isaiah 40:28) We are reassured that He never gets tired, never gets worn out, and never gives up. He doesn’t take time outs or quick naps, He doesn’t even sleep. He is attentive to watch His sheep and always knows where we are no matter how far we travel.

At one point, though I knew they were there, I asked Duncan, who reassured me that yes, there should be mountains there. Eventually, I realized that I couldn’t spend my entire trip worrying about not being able to see mountains that I knew were there. I simply had to let it go and trust what I knew. This is the same thing we should do when it seems we cannot see the Lord. We should never allow what we don’t know or see to overshadow what we do know about our God, and that is that He will never leave us or forsake us, His word promises that over and over. (Joshua 1:5) We cannot spend our lives debating things we already know the answer to; otherwise we miss the beautiful things the Lord has put before us. He wants us to be along for the ride, no matter what we can or can’t see. It’s the faith of things hoped for, things unseen that God uses to draw us closer to Him, and away from the worries of this world.

Lord, thank you for being my strong mountain that I know is immovable. No matter what clouds my view, I know you are always with me.

M.

In Christ Alone, I Stand

Two weeks ago we celebrated Good Friday, the day that the Lord went to the Cross in order that we may be saved. The week leading to Good Friday, often referred to as Holy Week, I reflected on the sacrifice and what it meant in my life, but also in the lives of all believers. While it was a sad day, it was an amazing day, because we are free. Free from the bondage of sin, and free to live for Christ. By His stripes we are healed (Isaiah 53:5) and because of what He did for us, we belong to Him (1 John 3:1). This is especially a lovely time because 11 years ago I was saved; at the Saturday night service before Easter Sunday in 1998. As I looked back at my life and where God has brought me since then, all I can do is fall on my knees and weep, because He saved me when I wasn’t worthy of being saved.

I know who I am in Christ, and I know what He has called me to do, follow Him. Whole heartedly, unashamedly, wholly belong to Him, it's what He calls us all to do (Matthew 16:24). I am not sorry for who I am in Christ, I am not sorry for who He has made me, and I am not sorry for the life He has given me. At times I am saddened, because it feels like some of the people closest to me are sorry for the person the Lord has made me. One of the most difficult things to face is the feelings that people who are close to me have no idea who I am or what is in my heart. It may be hard to see that when I talk about the things in His Word, it is because He has put those words there and because my heart wants to see His best in those lives, just as He wants to see His best.

Sometimes as believers we are fervent in the Lord and what we know of His word and we can get overzealous and come across overbearing. But if you spend time with a true follower of Christ then you will see where their heart comes from. Our hearts are not standing in a place of judgment; our intent is not to force our faith on everyone. We do not purpose in our hearts to hurt others, it is a fervent desire to not only see people come to Christ for Salvation, but then return the love that He gives us by living FOR Him ALL of the time. God does not seek halfway Christians; He wants ALL of us ALL of the time. He doesn't want us on Sundays, or before meals, or here and there, or when it is convenient to call ourselves Christians. He wants every minute of our life to be fully, wholly dedicated to Him. If people cannot live that way for Him, then they need to reconsider SAYING they belong to Him because if in our lives He is not Lord of ALL, then He is NOT LORD AT ALL. (Revelation 3:15-16)

There was a time I walked away from the church, and there were many people praying for me to return, and it was only a matter of time before I did. When I returned I gave my life to God, laid it on His alter and told Him that whatever He thought was best, I would be obedient. He took my life with a vengeance and has spent the last several years feeding me, molding me, shaping me, and turning me into the woman that stands here today. Sometimes it seems like those around us want us to be a Christian, but not TOO Christian. They want us to walk with God, but not TOO close, they want to see us witness to others, but not to them. I often wonder if the same words I speak to someone had been told to the same person by a Pastor or an elder with more years of faith if they would be taken any different. We all stand as equals before the Lord, and really in all of our lives, the purpose is to work for His Kingdom to bring as many people to Him as possible, and to encourage those who are believers to a stronger walk with Him.

I have finally landed in a place of comfort and peace in the Lord. I cannot change who I am and I wouldn’t want to. For anyone to ask me to be any different would be like asking me to be who I am not. His words, His life, His passion is so ingrained in me that I don't know any other way to live. I am still a sinner, unclean, and any righteousness I think I have is like filthy rags before Him (Isaiah 64:6), but I can never turn away from who He has made me and who He is continuing to mold me to be. I don't know any other way to live at this point. It would be like asking me to go back to being overweight, it's not who I am, it's not who I want to be, and it's not healthy for me.

I pray for those who often feel a little misunderstood that those who misunderstand can someday truly see who we are in Christ, who He has made us to be and where our hearts lie; with Him alone.

On Good Friday, my heart was heavy, yet uplifted. There were times that I quietly wept in my office because of His love. My heart was heavy because of the fact that God had to die on a cross for me because I am so bad; uplifted because I know He chose to do it because He loves us so much. On that day, it was beautiful to stand with my fellow co-laborers in Christ knowing that I am exactly where God has called me to be. I KNOW without a doubt, no second thoughts, no looking back, that I am 100% in His will for my life, and here I will stand until He moves me.

Living for Him (because I know no other way),
M

Changing Seasons

The weather has been getting colder every day. Recently, I finally had to use my winter coat and gloves. The leaves lost their vibrant green color of spring and are falling to the ground. This morning there were golden leaves on my windshield. Driving to work they were soaring every which way as the wind propelled them in different directions. There are less people out and the ones you see are rushing here and there, trying to stay warm, and escaping from their warm homes only to bustle along in their duties quickly. You can smell more fires burning and there is a chill in the air that only comes with fall. It's a good time of year, probably one of my favorite as you literally watch the passing from summer to autumn and from autumn to winter.

The 22^nd was Erica’s 24^th birthday. Even though 24 wasn't too long ago for me, it feels like a lifetime. At 24, I was heartbroken in a relationship that I knew was going nowhere, I had no idea who I was or where I was going. I didn't know what was up, or what was down. I was overweight, underappreciated (or so I thought), unloved, unsure of myself and overzealous to go the wrong way. Those who knew me then wouldn't recognize me now.

Erica is on the right path in her faith. She is energetic and full of life; she is tall, blonde, and beautiful. She has such energy for the Lord that she has inspired my faith in the short time we have worked together. She has a childlike love of God that makes me smile. She makes me want to run outside, into a field of wild flowers and frolic all day long, gazing at the wonders God has placed before us. It's a pretty cool way to be. The Bible says in Mark 10:13-16 "Then they brought little children to Him, that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them. But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them."

Though the seasons change, and the leaves and weather ebb and flow, it's wondrous to think our Lord never changes. Even we as humans can change our colors like leaves. We can go into different seasons of life being tossed to and fro, even falling to the ground at times, but our Lord is ever faithful calling us to Him. He is there through times when we seem to have a child like wonder at His awesome works to times when we are propelled out of control. I imagine the Lord patient, a picture of serenity as He lingers near us waiting for our attention to return to Him. There He waits for His children, with an open lap like a father ready for us to crawl up into his lap and just snuggle. We can crawl up into the lap of Jesus and nestle with Him and tell Him all of our problems and cares and He wants to listen and to bless us. He wants to talk to us and sit with us and love on us. It's a beautiful thing. Thanks Erica, for reminding me of that.

Bad Dream, Good Friend

On Tuesday a dear friend, who is one of the best things in my life, told me about a dream she had about the two of us. The dream was quite vivid and in telling me about it you could tell she was shaken. Goose bumps rose on her arms and a catch could be heard in her voice. In the dream, I was in danger, I was lost and confused and being stalked by a dark figure.

All my friend could think of was to get to me, get me found, get me safe and even do battle with the dark figure. As we pieced the dream together and made assumptions on what it could have been representative of (I am a little lost and confused at times, and the evil one seems to always lurk during those times) we realized there was a lot of symbolism in her dream.

More than anything I was blessed that even if it was a dream, my friend was fiercely protective of me. She would even risk her own well being to fight the dark creature that was trying to do me harm. It made me feel loved and also made me realize that I am not walking alone in this life. I have people that God has placed around me to strengthen me, encourage me, and even to battle for me and alongside me.

John 15:13 says "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends." This is what my friend did for me in our dream, but it doesn't compare to what Christ did for us on the cross. He laid down His life so that we could be free and could have eternal life. I hugged my dear friend and thanked her for defending me in what wasn't even real life; but I loved her heart that she was so bold in her dream. Sadly, it reminded me that I don't often approach the cross and thank my Savior for the real thing that He did to save my soul.

As I sat there feeling loved by a dear friend, I felt the overwhelming love of my Savior wash over me and reassure me once again that while my friend might battle in dreams, Jesus battles for me daily.

Lord, thank You for sending us gentle reminders of the price You paid in our defense. It has been said repeatedly "He came to pay a debt He didn't owe, because I owed a debt I couldn't pay". Thank You for paying my debt and making me free.

All In For God

I love alter calls because to me it is the real truth of watching God work in the heart of a sinner. To watch a broken person gain hope, with nothing more than belief and longing in their heart is beautiful.

Last week, our pastor gave a call and the first brave gal to go forward got on her knees at the bottom of the steps leading up to the stage. As the first one she set the example, everyone else who went up that night to accept Christ also got on their knees. It was a wonderful sight to behold; these broken and longing people humbly coming to the Cross in hopes to be made new again.

I couldn’t get the image out of my head, and then today while running, I heard a song and it all came together. The song is by Toby Mac and is called All In. The lyrics say “I’m letting go of everything I am/And I’m holding on to everything you are/I’m letting go of everything I once was/I’m all in, I’ve fallen into your arms again.”

That is what was so moving about those people on their knees and that is what is so awesome about an alter call. We go forward, approaching the Cross on our knees looking to be all in to the Lord, because we realize we are all out of answers. Whatever we had been doing in the past wasn’t working, so we are approaching scared and unsure but knowing that we have to let go of what we have in order to grasp what we know the Lord to be. That’s why it says Psalm 55:22, “Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you.”

This is how we should approach God not only the first time but every time. We have to let go of this world, our lives, our hopes, our dreams, our expectations and be ready to hold on to Him and His world, His life, His hopes, His dreams for us and His expectations for our life lived for Him.

God help me to approach you always with hands open to all you have and all you are, holding on to nothing of what I was. Help me to always fall into Your arms because they are strong and will always catch me especially when I am all in for You.

Still Small Voice

When I was a "young" believer I remember asking a friend of mine how she knew she heard the voice of God. At the time I was hearing so many people say they heard God's voice and how He would guide them daily. The times I tried to listen, I was met with silence. I remember telling her sheepishly "I don't think God is talking to me because I am not hearing anything." Her response was "I don't know that I hear it really well but I know that as I spend time in His word, and with Him, with His people and in worship to Him, I hear it better."

It has been 5 years since that conversation and I am in a place where I understand what she was trying to tell me. At the time I was expecting the Lord to come in a booming, earth shaking voice, but as in Elijah, He wasn't in those things; He was in a still small voice. I can see now that "...the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. " (1 Kings 19:11-12)

As I walk daily with Him spending time in fellowship and prayer, I find He doesn't send huge neon signs, He sends sweet melodious whispers. He comes not in earth shattering movements, but in small critters showing us His glory. He doesn't come in large tornadoes that tear things apart, but in a gentle breeze that sweeps your face just enough to make you notice. He won't slap you in the forehead with His presence, but when you seek Him you will recognize Him in the small things, like rays shining through clouds. If you seek Him in the small things, you will see that He is bigger than anything.


Father, thank You that you don't tear my world apart to let me know You are there. Thank You for Your gentleness and love that reaches across eternity just to take my hand and walk with me.

The Weather According to God

Yesterday, as Duncan and I were driving home from Ruidoso it was cloudy and overcast. As we slowly made our way down the mountain my parents live on I looked up and said “those are some dark and gloomy storm clouds.” A short time later we were driving and the clouds were still there but this time the sun was above them and there were bright rays shining through and illuminating the earth.

I realized that even through the dark clouds of life God’s glory still shines brightly. There is nothing so strong to keep it out. Sometimes it is a bright solid light shining on every part of our lives and sometimes it only illuminates parts of our life like the mountain in the picture. The left side is bathed in sun, but the right is darker and more mysterious. Times when we are going through something difficult it may seem like a mountain and even if God doesn’t shine on the entire thing to tell us which way to go, He is always shining on part of it. God’s glory will never be dimmed or overtaken by darkness because as Jesus said in John 8:12 “ I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

As we got closer to home I looked over and saw the very small end of a rainbow. A few minutes later I looked back and it was gone completely. I realized that even when I can only see a small part or even nothing at all, God’s promises are still there, giving us light in a dark world.

Lord, thank You for the rain, the clouds, the storms and most of all for Your rainbow. I am continually blown away that Your grace and provision are always with me, even in the darkest of times.

Trees and Humans

Recently as Duncan and I were driving home from Arizona between Payson and Heber the scenery is nothing but forest that is lush and green. As I watched the large groups of trees passing, I noticed that there were many healthy, tall green trees reaching toward the sky but right in the mix of them were some trees that were brown, dry and dead. Some of them were even mixed; they had green parts but the trunk and root appeared to be dead.

It occurred to me that these trees were much like humans. Most of us are fresh and thriving and those who are believers in Christ are alive eternally; but mixed in among us are some people that are dying and even some that are dead inside. As I thought about this the Lord took it a step further and it began to rain. The rain fell on both kinds of trees, those that are alive and those that aren’t, just as it says in Matthew 5:45 “…for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust.”

Humans however, are unlike the trees in that the trees cannot reach out to save each other. We can reach out and share the love of Christ in the hope that lies within us that they might also be saved; which is where the verse in Matthew comes in again. Verse 44 of chapter 5 says “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you and, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” Just as Christ’s love falls on those who believe in Him, it also falls on those who don’t. The great commission calls those of us who believe to share Christ’s love on those who are dry and withered.


God, thank You for the reminder that Your love is unbiased and unwavering. Please put someone in my path today that doesn’t know You personally and give me the boldness to share the hope that lies within me.

What is my purpose?

Many times I hear people ask what is my purpose in this life? What am I meant to do? Am I meant to find a cure for cancer? Am I meant to be a wife and mother? Why am I alive? What's the point of it all?

I am fortunate to know what my purpose is: to love the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind and all my strength (Luke 10:27) and to love my neighbors as myself. That is the reason I was created and though I don't live it every minute of every day, the desire of my heart is to live for this purpose. Thus, the beginning of this blog.

As I mentioned before, I used to make fun of blogs (and sometimes still do!) because I couldn't fathom who had the time to sit and create a blog, do all of the upkeep and posting, page design, etc. Also, through some bad experiences on myspace and other very worldly sites, I was really turned off to public sites because they seemed so full of evil and of the world.

One day when I was praying and God laid it on my heart all I could think was "but Lord, it is filled with such darkness and evil (the web) and His soft reply was simply, "that is why you must be light." Wow! What a calling, to be the light of God's love in this dark world. This is the second reason for this blog.

Today, while my niece was visiting from Texas we took her to the top of the Tram. We watched little forest critters such as squirrels and chipmunks scampering about the mountainside. On our way down I thought to myself, how many little critters were scurrying about that we couldn't even see and if no one could see them then what was their purpose? Softly the Lord spoke to me, "to testify of my glory." That is our purpose and that is the main reason for this blog.

Lord, thank You for showing me that all creatures big and small are part of Your plan. I praise You for allowing me to be a part of Your kingdom. Thank You for giving me a purpose; to glorify You.

How did I get here?

Have you ever landed in a place and stopped to look around because you aren't really sure how you got where you are? Though I sort of feel this way, I know where I am and how I got here.

For many years of my life God has called me to be a writer and I have fought it almost every inch of the way. Within the past year God has been calling me to writing more and more and I have tried to run every way but the way I was supposed to. But as with Jonah, no matter where I run, I end up right where He wants me to be.

My journey has taken a turn recently when the Lord called me to something I really didn't want to do, mostly because I made fun of it--blogging. I used to laugh and ask who had the time to sit and blog all day long, so as God would have it, apparently I do.

So here goes...with a little time, a whole lot of faith in what God can do in the life of an obedient child, and my laptop, I set out on a journey to wherever He leads me.

Lord, thank You for leading us in the direction You know is best even if we don’t see the path. Your way is the only way I want to go; please continue to take me by the hand and guide me.